45. Two Guns.Two guns.
I have two guns in my hands.
I have two guns, and right now,
There's a gamble.
It's a gamble I might've wished for,
But it's between me
There is a barrel to my head.
There is a barrel to your heart.
And God knows --
I can't pull both triggers at once.
Deathtrap."Nothing's going to go wrong."
I can see why the girl would think
Such ridiculous thoughts,
Because whenever we're together,
I'm one-sided. Prone to
I'm trapped, and I saw the signs.
I didn't do anything.
I used to stand alone,
The wall behind me,
Weapons cradled in my arms,
And my laugh in the air
And the blood was shed.
It was never a spoken agreement,
Never a written treaty.
Just a mutual feeling where we stood
Back to back,
And laced our hands,
Traced into our palms,
"I've got your back."
And that was that.
I got sloppy.
Once or twice did she get hit.
Never had a wound to use it for,
So I gave her my First-Aid Kit.
Once or twice did she stray a little ways away
And a few times afterward did I lose my focus
And discovered a graze shortly after;
I swore the pain would never meet her eyes.
I'm trapped, and it's a deathtrap I'm in.
I don't do anything.
"It's worth it,"
To Slay a Heart.As much as I hate to admit it, I possess a heart.
Albeit it's a bit too large and a bit too scarred,
It's still there,
But I wish it weren't.
A heart is far too high maintenance,
And it won't heal with a simple band-aid;
It whines about the antiseptic,
And about how life is a pain.
"But life is life," I always say,
"And like that, it should stay."
But it just writhes and whimpers in discomfort,
And in turn, I suffer along.
I blame it for the pain
And the guilt I hold, for my soul profane
But if I were to kill it, who else might I hurt
With the blade I use to slay my heart?
The Crossroads.One time,
I had a friend.
She was my closest companion,
My only company.
I would point her in the right direction,
And she'd run.
She'd run much more faster than
I ever could.
And she would wait at the next crossroad;
Wait for me to catch up.
I always knew the way,
And we'd go together.
My friend walked away.
I was just too slow
And I tried to convince myself that I could
Still see her
Right there, on the horizon.
I kept walking.
'She's still there,'
I dropped to my knees.
'She's here. She has to be.'
With one last sliver of hope,
I saw that I was at a crossroad.
I always knew the way
Until she left.
RainI stay outdoors when it rains,
under the icy sheets of water,
And I don't mind that people are staying indoors for the night.
I love the shining moonlight
and the fog of dark surrounding me,
I can live forever when the drops dampen my hair to a shield.
I can sing loud and clear along with its shattering sound
and don't mind when people stare,
As long as they can't tell the tears from the rain.
When I Was Blind.There was a time, long ago,
When I was blind;
I saw nothing of the world,
Just pretty things I could take and hold,
Inclined to just run off.
Never were the things I have in view,
Just everything I have to give;
I gave away my heart.
No longer was I blind,
But all I came to see:
The bitter truth;
I could not hear.
It was used and abused
Time and again
And each time I snatched it back,
Counting each touch
And each wound.
It was tattered and worn,
But, alas, I still gave it away
And, now, inside this steel box it lay.
None but one holds the key,
But, put simply,
It is not me.
The truth, I can hear
And it's a bittersweet melody
And when it goes near,
I can feel;
The Center of My Universe.I'm just like everyone else
And I'm a good person
But I'm a terrible person
Because I'm selfless;
Because I'm too selfish;
I help others.
I pull people down.
People look up to me,
I don't know why there are people that like me,
And I have friends
But I get too attached to them
But they don't mean anything to me.
And I shouldn't.
I don't care.
I want them to survive
They can die
As long as possible.
As long as I don't.
So it only makes sense
That I stay away.
I'll be safe if I do
I'll surely die if I do
And it's better that way,
In the end,
The only thing